Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Steve-o's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, September 6th, 2007
12:44 pm	No, I'm not dead It has been just about a year since my last post. Shit happens I guess. I just haven't been in a mood to say anything about my personal life, and confide in my keyboard. Everything has been in a rollercoaster state. More lows than highs, but that is life. Romantically, nothing promising. I've stayed single for about nine months now. That has been a major feat for myself. Only attempted dating again for about a three weeks, and that ended just over a week ago. It was with someone I had been interested in for about four years, and things just kinda happened. I didn't push it though. Infact, I tried avoiding it. It crashed, and burned into a horrible explosion. Probably put an end to one of my longest friendships. Oh well. After being out of the dating game for an extended period of time, my backbone grew back. I set boundries, and she crossed them. That is all the information I am in the mood to give at this moment. The job front could be better. My hours got cut in half, and I hate my department, but I have been extremely vocal at work, and things look like they are going to change soon. I just have to weather the storm. Soon I should be back in my department, and out of flooring, and getting my forty hours a week again. I was going to move to Chicago in a few months, but that stopped being a reality as a result of paragraph two in this update. No worries though. I have removed almost everyone from my life, and I'm letting people back in slowly. It is mostly people who actively try to talk to me, and make efforts to see me now. Now that the ball is out of my court, I am figuring out who the positive influences are. With that I am having fewer breakdowns. I'm not as bad of a mess, and I am realizing that there are a few people that are making the place not worth hating. Learning how to not hate has been hard, but I am making strides. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 19th, 2007
9:08 pm	Vacation from life I just spent a week in Nashville Tennesse. I had to clear all the bullshit that had happened from my head, and get back into living. On this trip I discovered some things out. This state really IS this boring. I have an itch, and I need out. Tennesse may, or may not be the place, but Michigan, and it's drama are weakening my sanity. Second, it is really, REALLY cold up here. Third, why does the increase in gas prices follow me? I think I'm cursed. Meh, who knows? Forth, bartenders love me. Finally, I am attractive to older women. I don't know why, but many a woman that is old enough to be my mother hit on me down there. For every 1 cute young female I got the attention of, 2 older women would notice me. It's just kinda creepy is all. 2 openly admitted to having kids around my age. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
2:29 pm	The breakthrough Katie is starting couceling for her alcohlism. I'm proud of her for this. We still aren't back together, or anything, but she's really trying now. She really seems to be sorry for what she did. From what everyone is telling me, this was a BIG step for her. I'm a former addict so I know how hard it can be for people with a problem. I haven't completely forgiven her yet for everything, but I'm more sympathetic, and willing to help her out. She wants to be back with me, but I NEED to see some real change before I can say that I will even consider it seriously. It's just kind of odd that someone is willing to do something major to their life for me. It shouldn't be for me, it should be for her, but I really am the reason she's seeking help. I guess I'm not used to people truly giving a fuck about me. Normally it's just a lot of talk. Oh well, that's life. Current Mood: hopeful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 25th, 2006
5:41 pm	Single again Had a GREAT time at the concert last night. Stonesour, amazing. Nonpoint, amazing. Disturbed, amazing. I saw people I haven't seen in years, and everything as perfect. Jump forward to getting back to Katie's house. She drinks too much again. Starts slapping the piss out of me because she was curious about how much it would take to piss me off. I guess the answer is about 5 minutes, because I told her to fuck off, and went to leave. She follows me outside, and starts crying... a lot... and saying she's sorry. She offers sex. I say that I'm not in the mood (I was kind of pissed). She goes off to tell me that she thinks I'm a herk, and that she fucking hates me. I ask for reasons, and she can't come up with any. She says that she has no reasons, but I'm still an asshole. She then tells me that she's sorry, and she just cares about me a lot, and is affraid of being hurt. I list everything I've done to try to prove that I cared about her. She calls me an asshole, and says I don't REALLY care. I ask why does she have to treat me like shit when she drinks, and why does she drink so often. She won't tell me, and tells me to get out. I stand up to leave, and she starts crying again saying she's sorry, and offers sex. I tell her that I'm still not in the mood. She tells me to get the fuck out. I do. I get home to get a metric fuck-ton of nasty comments, and messages on my myspace. I delete them all. She says that she doesn't want to see me ever again, and marks herself as single. I give up, and do the same. She sends me a message saying that she is sorry, and marks herself as being in a relationship again. She says that she cares. All I want is for her to mean the apology, and to promise to stop treating me like shit. I want Katie to really mean it when she says I'm sorry, and fix the problem instead of always saying I'm sorry the next day, and expecting everything to be better. She marks herself as single again. She just proved that she never gave a fuck about me. Now I've probably lost some friends because of this. I'm all sorts of depressed, and stressed, and I just want a new life. I've been getting nothing, but fucked over ever since I came back to town. I really feel like I have nothing right now, and I just want to dissapear, and never come back to this shithole. Current Mood: infuriated (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 24th, 2006
3:41 pm	Coolest fucking mom ever My baby's mom invited me to go to the Disturbed concert yesterday. Katie's mom, and her mom's boyfriend were going to the concert, and they wanted me, and my baby to go with them. Also, the last time I saw Katie, I saw her mom rock out to Coheed and Cambria. Little shit like that makes me six shades of happy. How many times have you dated someone to find out that their mom's as metal as you. Fucking rock. Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 19th, 2006
8:24 pm	I hate cats Katie's cat clawed the shit out of my hand. It happened because I was sleeping, and so I wasn't petting it. It has been a few days, and my hand still hurts. That is why I'm a dog person. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 17th, 2006
9:28 pm	The world has fed me a GIANT shit sandwhich Work sucks, relationships suck, life sucks. My job is still fucking me over, and over, and over. Then there's the relationship. We are fighting because she likes me too much. SHE LIKES ME TOO FUCKING MUCH! She is distancing herself because I'm too good of a guy, and she doesn't know how to handle it. That is what she fucking told me. She "knows" I'll just hurt her. I am giving up SOOOO much to be with her, and she is affraid of ME fucking HER over. I just don't get it. I just don't fucking get it. Since when does giving many complimants, giving roses for the sake of whatever, and telling someone that you think they're fucking great a bad-fucking-thing. I'm FINALLY doing things right again. I'm FINALLY being the boyfriend I knew I could be because I took some time off, and I'm being pushed back because she "likes me too much". I give up. Current Mood: aggravated (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
6:42 pm	Awkward I had to have a talk with my friend today. She has been one of my best friends for over 8 years now. She is also married with a kid. Her husband is also a really good friend of mine. Today she went on to tell me that she is in love with me, and that she wishes she was with me instead of him. That is awkward enough as it is, but to add another layer to cake, I'm in a VERY new, and VERY good relationship. It put me in a wierd place where I didn't know how to react. It takes you by surprise when your oldest friend tells you that she wishes her life was with you. New relationships are hard enough to get going without this stuff, and it's not just her. Since I've been in this relationship I've had 4 friends tell me that they wished we could be dating. Why do women try to complicate things like this? I'm finally in a GOOD relationship. I just wish people would keep their emotions gaurded every once in a while I guess. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Gnarls Barkly (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 12th, 2006
12:32 pm	OK I hate my job with the burning passion of a thousand blazing suns, but I'm still very happy with life. There's a woman in my life (again), and it's keeping my sanity in line. Happiness and such. Current Mood: content Current Music: Social Distorion (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
9:03 pm	Helping my brother move I'm tired, sore, and everything I touched today was DISGUSTING! I love my brother. Don't missunderstand what I'm about to say... there are days I want to slap the ever living shit out of him, and make him grow the fuck up, and take care of his shit. After the 8th time I had to wash my hands after they got sticky from touching his heavy ass shit I began to just get pissed off. I was actually embarassed to carry his stuff out of his apartment because I didn't want people to think I lived like that. I just wish he was more mature about taking care of his things. When you have three small children you should just start to take care of the house, and pick up, but neither him, or his wife do. They let the house go to shit, and have a hard time with discipline. I just give up. Current Mood: aggravated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 6th, 2006
4:18 pm	Between a rock and a hard place I'm am torn between two things right now. Those things are (you guessed it) women. On one side I am starting to get that boyhood crush. She is funny, and a lot like me, but I get the feeling that She doesn't want what I want. She doesn't want to push it forward at this moment. On the other hand I have another amazing woman who is crazy about me, but traps me. Being with her would force me to stay here, and I really want out sooo bad. I don't know if I take the leap, and risk everything for the ultimate prize, or stay for a great (and sure) thing here, and be safe. I'm so confused, and I don't know who to turn to because things are changing everyday. I care for them both, but what the fuck. Also to make things worse, women from my past are flocking to me in numbers this week. There are even new women clogging up the works, and I'm feeling overwhelmed. Current Mood: stressed (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 28th, 2006
11:40 pm	Fort Wayne I had to work there today. It sucked. It wasn't worth the drive, and I was stuck working two hours longer than expected, and almost got talked into more. I'm sooooo tired, and sooooo hungry. Blah, blah, blah. Current Mood: drained Current Music: video games everywhere. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 26th, 2006
10:39 pm	I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible little man : ( Tally up your score, and let me have it. Smoked pot -- $10 Did acid -- $5 Ever had sex at church -- $25 Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40 Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25 Had sex for money -- $100 Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20 Vandalized something -- $20 Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10 Beat up someone -- $20 Been jumped -- $10 Crossed dressed -- $10 Given money to stripper -- $25 Been in love with a stripper -- $20 Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10 Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15 Ever drive drunk -- $20 Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50 Used toys while having sex -- $30 Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20 Went skinny dipping -- $5 Had sex in a pool -- $20 Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10 Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20 Cheated on your significant other -- $10 Masturbated -- $10 Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20 Done oral -- $5 Got oral -- $5 Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25 Stole something -- $10 Had sex with someone in jail -- $25 Made a nasty home video -- $15 Had a threesome -- $50 Had sex in the wild -- $20 Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25 Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20 Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20 Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25 Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50 Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25 Went streaking -- $5 Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15 Been arrested -- $5 Spent time in jail -- $15 Peed in the pool -- $0.50 Played spin the bottle -- $5 Done something you regret -- $20 Had sex with your best friend -- $20 Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25 Had anal sex -- $80 Lied to your mate -- $5 Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25 Tally it up and Title it..."My Fine Is btw, my score is $700.1. I'm a horrible, horrible man. Current Mood: dirty (11 Comments |Comment on this)
7:35 pm	Blatantly Stolen from Anamia83 Two things I wanted to bring back, that should probably be in seperate entries, but I dont care...just...dont ignore one and answer the other, or I'll...be sad and stuff. #1 If you read this, even if we do not speak often, Comment with one memory of me. It can be anything you want, good or bad. Just as long as it happened. Then post this on your livejournal to see what other people remember about you. #2 The problem with LJ: We all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away and be creative! I will respond to all comments, if I dont, feel free to track me down and do horrible things to me. Current Mood: curious Current Music: Sylvia Trench (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
10:26 pm	Semi stolen from Gonzogirl Top five fears 1. That I'll have to grow up. 2. Being alone. Not just in a romantic sense, but alone in general freaks me out. 3. Wooden stairs. Not even joking. If there isn't carpet on the stairs my breathing gets wierd. 4. That people are talking about me. I'm much more insecure than ANYONE will ever know. 5. That I will let my materialism get in the way of true happiness. YOUR TURN BITCHES!!! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
4:07 pm	OM-F'in-G If people get the chance they have to download a song from a NEW band The Vincent Black Shadow. The song is fears in the water. They sound kinda like The Livin End with a chick vocalist. Beautiful. Current Mood: giddy (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
5:45 am	FEAR THE CUTE WRATH OF DOOOOOM! DOOOOOOM! hehe, if only other people found me as amusing as I did I would be set. Current Mood: dorky (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 19th, 2006
9:32 pm	Blah to the third power It's not easy being green. That is all... blah, blah, fuckity, blah, blah, blah bitches. Current Mood: blah (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
2:38 pm	Yup I definatly have a fractured bone in my hand. There is a bruise in the middle of my hand, it hurts like a motherfucker, I'm having a really hard time making a fist, and it won't stay steady. This sucks so bad. The big problem is that it is my right hand. It's already a shitty day. Current Mood: sore (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
8:38 pm	GOD-FUCKING-DAMN My family has just managed to completly piss me right the fuck off. They are giving me shit because I taking a district managers position over a fucking temporary job at the fucking post office. The managers position is with fun, happy people, that I enjoy. I enjoy the work. I enjoy the style of job. The post office has done nothing but jerk me around. Bring nothing but negative ass stories, and I HATE every motherfucker I have met there. Plus the other position pays more. They have been getting 12 inched up my ass, and I just flipped the fuck out because they started giving me shit for other things that aren't even a fucking issue. To make a long story short, there is a crack in a door, and I am fairly certain that I have a broken bone in my hand. This was just the last sign that I need to leave, and I'm sooo happy about going to Denver with Dove in a few months. The simple fact that I'm leaving is the only reason I feel like breathing right now. Everyday, there's another reason I can't be here anymore, and I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown right about now. I haven't been able to stop shaking in DAYS. I guess shit just can't go right for me for more than a couple of days, because I'm right back to depressed, and twitchy. Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Slipknot (Comment on this)